Let's Talk About Broken Dreams

I just came back from a Boba and Blogging sesh with one of my favorite people (one night a week we go to a tea shop and work on our blogs) and a really interesting thought popped in my head. 

Every single person has dreams.

Okay, sounds simple, but actually think about it. I've never met a single human being that hasn't had a goal for their life. Big or small, it's a dream. 

Yet, how many people do you know where that goal actually comes true?

One of my friends just landed a new job at a trendy and well-known company and as she tried to explain to me the process and how she was going to be helping her new clients, she glanced away as her voice trailed off, "It probably doesn't make much sense, but yeah."

What was crazy to me was that it completely made sense. Not only did it make complete sense, but it sounded awesome, and it made me sad to watch her subconsciously protect herself just incase I thought it was lame. Which I completely understood. This company wasn't her top choice. And although she was grateful for her job, it wasn't her dream job and it kind of sucked that she hadn't accomplished her dreams yet.

How many of us do this exact same thing with a dream we have? 

I've had many many many MANY dreams. A bajillion, gazillion. Call me the Queen Dreamer. 

When I was 13, I wanted to have a book published by the time I was 15. When I was 15, all I wanted to do was make it on the Varsity Basketball Team my sophomore year in High School. When I got to my sophomore year in High School I wanted to be a fashion designer and be on Project Runway by the time I was 20. And when I was 20, my dream was to become a famous Youtuber.

And now I'm 23 and ask me how many have come true? 

... Exactly.

But here's the crazy thing: who actually stopped me from obtaining those dreams? 

Well, anytime I would write, I could never create endings for my stories, so I quit. I tore my ACL right before basketball season started which put me out of the season for almost a year and made me way behind my peers, so I quit. I never learned how to use a real sewing machine and it was taking too long to sew by hand, so I quit. And I couldn't find enough time during the day to record so I eventually just quit and gave up on my channel.

So who stopped me from obtaining my dreams? 

Maybe life did. Maybe my crappy circumstances. Maybe the hand I was dealt. But maybe, ultimately, it was me?

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I had just kept going. Kept trying to write and reached out to publishers. Kept going to practice after physical therapy. Kept designing and learning how to create my own clothes. Kept recording and posting content. 

You know what's strange though? 

I don't regret not continuing.

Yes, it's a little sad to see all of your dreams discarded in a corner, shedded like old clothes that don't fit anymore. But looking back, I'm not as torn as I thought I would be.

Maybe it's because I have new dreams. Ones that fit my personality better, and have grown with me. 

Or maybe it's something a little different. Maybe it's the fact that out of all of my unique dreams, they each had one thing in common: they kept me moving forward. 

Think about it - if I had accomplished my dream as a published author at age 15, I probably would've been pretty stagnant. Maybe would've wrote a couple more books, but I don't think I would be where I am today. 

Yet, when I was always imagining my goal, reaching for it, and slightly missing it, in the midst of me trying again or changing directions I opened doors to places I never would've stumbled upon, uncovered relationships in unattempted places, and embarking on adventures I never would've taken. All because I failed. 

So darling, is it the dream that's the most important or the journey? The trying, the failing, the crying and praying and getting back up to keep going.

Because if I look at all of my failed dreams as simply dreams, that's all they can be: failed.  

But if I look at my failed dreams as journeys, then ladies and gentlemen, I have a life well lived.

In the midst of my dream to publish a book, I unlocked the power of writing.

I learned how to use a pen and paper or the letters on a keyboard to release my emotions, my creativity, my fears, my worries, my accomplishments, my precious moments, and everything in between. I write to talk to God. I write to heal. I write to capture these moments in my life.

In the midst of my dream to make it on the Varsity Basketball team, I learned how to trust God even when it doesn't make sense.

I never allowed myself to feel sorry for my ACL surgery and used the time in bed and recovery talking to God and reading His Word and other inspiring books. Reteaching myself how to walk again, learning how to use the bathroom with one leg, showering with a plastic bag, and enduring months of physical therapy, taught me perseverance and God's love and mercy in the midst of pain.

In the midst of my dream to be a fashion designer, I uncovered my gift for creativity and eye for color and design. 

I spent hours covering my entire bedroom wall with a giant magazine collage of empowering women in fashion, and truly discovered my skill for imagination and design. I learned that creative freedom makes me tick and that I enjoy creating and working with my hands. What I didn't know was that this was going to be an integral part of my future career.

In the midst of my dream of becoming a famous Youtuber, I discovered that selfish ambition had taken hold of my life and was stealing my joy.  

I realized I wanted to be "famous" for the wrong reasons and that I was only living for myself. I decided to give God my year and dedicated it to serving and learning which caused a radical change in my relationships and how I treat others. I learned how to put others before myself, have compassion, and the true lesson of being content.

So many unaccomplished dreams, yet so many priceless journeys. 

Now listen, all of the journeys still sucked in the moment. I'm not promising you that it won't. But I am promising that it will be more rewarding to stop trying to slap a checkbox on a dream and take a moment to pay attention to what God may be trying to teach you on the way there.

So the next time your distraught or fed up or frustrated or sad because of an unaccomplished dream, I challenge you to take a moment to think about your journey thus far and the person you have become.

It just may surprise you. 

Love always,

The Corporate Queen

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Ephesians 3:20-21 NLT

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.