It's My Birthday and I'm Terrified of Getting Older

I was gonna do a cute "22 things I learned at 22" and then I realized it's been a whole year and I'm still emotionally unstable and obsessed with Chipotle.

I don't even know where to start.

Slightly freaking because my birthday is literally in an hour and I have no idea how I got here. Like how am I already 11 months and 29 days into my 22nd year of life? 

I loved being 22!

It was so fun and exciting but in a really cool and sophisticated type of way.

I laughed a lot, ate a lot, traveled a lot, cried a lot, and genuinely just had a blast.

WHY does life seem to be going by so fast?

I literally don't even think I'm mature enough to be 23. I told people at work that I was turning 23 and they seemed genuinely surprised. 

They were like, "WOW - THAT'S OLD" and I'm thinking to myself, okay first, you're like twice my age. Secondly, I know that's old. That is my exact dilemma.

I'm pretty sure I don't know how to do half the stuff 23 year olds are suppose to know how to do. I feel like there's a secret checklist that deems if you've actually earned the age you're about to turn.

( )Do you know how to ship a package?

( )Do you own a house?

( ) What about a car that doesn't smoke every time you turn it on?

( ) Are you married?

( ) Do you eat at least 3 servings of vegetables a week?

( ) Do you get at least 8 hours of sleep?

( ) Do you wake up at the butt crack of dawn to work out in order to get an extra *refreshing* start to your day?

( ) Do you replace rice with quinoa?

( ) Do you know how to pair wine with cheese?

( ) Do you take your clothes to the dry cleaners?

( ) Do your girlfriends come over for dry martinis?

( ) Do you even know what a "dry martini" consists of?

( ) Can you even spell martini?

( ) Is your life even close to being together?

( X ) Do you cry a lot?

Clearly, I do not qualify.

But you know what? Maybe that's okay.

Last year at this exact same time I was having a mental breakdown in my room. I remember it vividly - sitting in my dorm room at my desk, crying my eyes out, and not knowing what the heck God had in store for my life, and absolutely freaking out because of it.

And now look at me - a seasoned 22 year old with so many new experiences tucked under my belt.

I had my first Torchy's taco which quickly unraveled into an unhealthy obsession. I presented at business plan competitions around the state. I went to New York for 72 hours and only slept for 11 of them. 

I met T.I inside of Jay Z's Roc Nation building. I went to Chicago and started a whole dance marathon at a bar. I also wore open toed shoes when it was 11 degrees outside after getting kicked out of a mansion party. I helped execute an entire food festival that brought in thousands of dollars for student scholarships. I went to Cali for Spring Break and met amazing people and spent a week with an awesome tech company.

I joined the Dream Team at church and started serving. I actually graduated freaking college. I got my first offer letter and started my first full time job. I went to Nigeria and got to see my grandparents for the first time in 20 years. I moved into my first apartment EVER). 

And I started my blog.

So many leaps of faith and over and over again God's caught me.

I know it's so easy to let birthdays pass and not really acknowledge them or question why they're so special, but sometimes I have to remind myself that through out all of those adventures, those months, those trials and triumphs - I was never promised a tomorrow.

But I still got one, which means that there's still a purpose I'm here. So yes, birthdays are scary, especially when we're getting older. And yes, it seems like life is passing us by second by second - but don't ever take those seconds for granted. Because as long as you're breathing, there's a reason why you're still here.

I wrote a letter to myself when I was freaking out at 11:20pm last year, afraid to turn 22. It's crazy to read it a year later and see how powerful my words are. I wanted to share a piece of it with you that really resonates with me.

"Do not be afraid to grow older.

Do not be afraid to start your life.

Do not worry about where you will be after college.

God will provide just like He has in previous years.

In 2015, He provided. In 2016, He provided. In 2017 He provided, and in 2018 He will provide.

I pray blessings over your future. I pray peace over your future. I pray the spirit of God reigns over every decision, every interaction, every thought, every stronghold. I pray for you and your relationships, let it flourish regardless of the arguments or petty things you may stumble over.

Let Gods spirit embrace you at all times. Continue to be great. Be 22 and live your absolute best life every. single. day.

I love you."

So long bumblebees, the next time we meet I will be a radiant, vibrant, BLOOMING 23.

But most importantly... thanks for reading. Seriously.

Love y'all,

The Corporate Grandma

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Isaiah 46:4

I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age.

I made you, and I will care for you.

I will carry you along and save you.